Since primates first began roaming the earth they have partaken in the act of loving themselves. We see it everywhere from the monkeys at the zoo who throw their muckle like a Roger Clemens fastball at unsuspecting children, to apple pies and "hair gel" in multi-million dollar Hollywood movies. Masturbation is as old as dirt and is not going anywhere.
Over the years, new techniques have been created in an attempt to improve and better the experience. From heated bologna slices to a bottle of Lubriderm, I am beginning a weekly column examining the pros and cons of some more and less common ways of scratching that ever-present orgasmic itch. My examination centers around male masturbation techniques. For any members of the opposite sex reading this, please e-mail us at 1906dc@gmail.com with your input on techniques for your specific equipment.
The first technique I will examine is shower masturbation AKA: The Shower-Stroke
Pros:
Time-Saver: You are multi-tasking, cleaning your external self and cleaning out the pipe-work all at the same time.
Easy Clean Up: No worries about errant shots getting away from you. A shower is a contained environment constantly being flushed out with water.
Privacy: Unless you have a prior issue with people barging in on you in the shower, you should be guaranteed privacy to allow you to focus on the task at hand (pun intended)
Cons:
Standing Up: Uncomfortable and down right dangerous. It could be very easy to slip due to the violent thrashing movements taking place. How embarrassing would it be to explain that black-eye or broken arm to your friends and co-workers?
Congelation: Upon contact with the water your sexual explosion hardens into a gel-like substance that can be difficult to detect and completely get rid of. Often, it is only after drying off or getting fully dressed that you notice the patch of sticky skin just above your kneecap.
Overall Assessment:
3 Palms (out of 5)- The time saving and privacy qualities of this technique are impossible to overlook. A little bit of forethought in the form of a bath mat and body awareness can negate the dangers of standing up and lessen the likelihood of an embarrassing gel mass on your forearm during the early morning board meeting.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I would like to state that one more con for the Shower Jerk would have to be the lack of visual stimulation. I have been spoiled by years of high speed internet and 20 second porno clips. My imagination no longer exists. I would say that this alone would bump the Shower Jerk down to a 2.5 out of 5 palms.
Excellent point which was overlooked in the article- Visual stimulation still can exist in the form of laminated playboy pages.
Though video imagery is almost impossible.
just make your girlfriend get in there with you, and stare at her awkwardly
fucking stupid
Post a Comment