Women are from Venus

Women can seem very irrational, perplexing and down right confusing to a man. We men have such a hard time understanding the female psyche, as seen by our constant struggle to not upset these fair creatures. It is extremely rare that any member of the male sex really gets a peek into the mind of our counterparts. Recently, I was privy to such an opportunity. Due to an e-mailing mistake, I was sent a story, which was not for my eyes. As a student of all things female (you have to understand your enemy to take them down) I was first surprised and then delighted by the contents of my inbox and further intrigued by the story held within the errant e-mail. I have published this on the blog in the hopes of educating men and improving male- female relationships on the whole. Male readers of 1906 and Beyond, please take close note of the story below and respond with your comments and observations.


“So girls,

Sometimes people read the last page of the book before they start it, so why don't I just begin this story with the ending. Definition of classy: Sitting in your OB-GYN's waiting room, wearing what you wore the day before, praying to God they aren't going to test your blood sample for blood alcohol level, and you're they're for an AIDS test and full STD scan.

Yes, that was me. This morning. Full story:

So sweet Brittany invited me to her law firm's summer associate happy hour last night. A Tuesday night, I have a long week of work still ahead of me so I am thinking this will consist of me and Brittany having a couple drinks, meeting her fellow co-workers, and then probably having a lovely dinner with her and Jeff. Sounds like a good night, it’s better than sitting at home watching my old Sex and the City DVDs. Did my presumptuous plans of a quiet peaceful evening take place?

Not exactly….First of all, here is a secret for you ladies: the law firm young associate happy hour is a freaking gold mine for young Chicago ladies. You need to immediately hit up this circuit. Why you might ask? For the following reasons:
1) Free Drinks - they literally feed you beers.
2) Hot Law Students and Lawyers
3) Ugly Girls- except for Brittany and I - hottest girls there BY FAR - and she's taken, so works splendidly well for me - instant wing man.

Side Note: We need to coordinate and put together a calendar of these type of law firm happy hours. If we want the type of man who can and will treat us like the princesses we are then we need to develop a Chicago Summer Associate Happy Hour Crashing League (CSAHHCL). Let’s talk!

So, at this oasis of sugar daddies, I ended up chatting with a very, very cute young lawyer named Brian. He's 29, a graduate of U Chicago and Duke, and very cute. Did I mention he's really cute? He asked for my number earlier in the evening, and we parted conversational ways, but then, lo and behold, he ended up sitting next to me and basically we spent the rest of the night drinking, dancing, and doing shots by the bar. We left at 11, although in my drunken mind I thought it was 3 am. A short cab ride later he some how duped me into coming back to the condo he owns. So fast-forward this morning, he has to be at work at 10, I have a prescheduled doctor's appointment at 10:45 blocks from his office (and close to his condo). How's this for an image? Walking last night's hook up to work. When you get to the Starbucks by his office you grab some coffee and say good-bye. You have the awkward discussion of doing something next week (although you don't really believe he's actually going to call you). He hugs you, kisses your cheek, says, "It was nice to see you." and then goes, "Wait, I guess I should say nice to meet you."

I'm walking around Starbucks like a hooker, still drunk, and talking to Miss Johnson. Get to the doctor, and oh my god; I am praying they do not test my blood alcohol level. Also, I feel like the biggest whore ANYWAY for getting an AIDS test and STD scan, (I seriously wanted to scream at the doctors and nurses - I don't sleep around! My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with some college whore!), combined with going home with someone I met the night before (I guess my timing was good this way I could kill two birds with one stone).

Drinks at the happy hour: $0
Cab ride home with hot rich lawyer: $0
Morning after coffee from Starbucks; $0
Ending up at the OB-GYN’s office for an AIDS test and STD scan in your clothes from the night before after going home with a different guy than the one who was the reason for the doctor’s visit in the first place:
Priceless.”