Never Attack the Dude w/ da Mic

Notes From the Field: Care? Packages...

September 1, 2007

Dear Anonymous Care Package Donor,

I just wanted to thank you for the package you sent me the other day. The Danielle Steel novels were much appreciated. How did you know I was such a big fan of hers?! The soap that you stole from the Holiday Inn was also a big hit. It not only lasted me for at least a couple of good showers, but also simultaneously reminded me of places I can’t visit for the next 15 months. The Newsweek magazines which pre-date my current deployment were very intriguing. I never tire reading about the ’04 presidential election. And movies too?? Well at least the DVD bonus feature discs were some of my favorite titles. Maybe after you send the next box, I’ll get to enjoy the actual movie. Heads up play on the disposable Bic Razors. Now I can add shaving to the list of daily risks I might encounter. It’s nice to know that someone back home supports my efforts to defend Iraq’s, I mean America’s freedom. Nothing says “I support the troops” more than a boxful of crap. That yellow ribbon magnet has never looked better on your SUV.

God Bless,

Lt. Asshole

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Drinking Game of the Week: Beer-Pong/Beirut

King of all drinking games. Enough said.

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Trannie Tales: Honorable Mention

"Spice Girl singer Melanie Brown [aka Scary Spice] on Wednesday filed a paternity suit against actor Eddie Murphy asking for child support for her 3-month-old daughter."

Do we believe it? Well... she does looks kinda man-ish. She could be mistaken for a trannie. We know Eddie likes (we like, too). Also, that would explain the irresponsible and indiscriminate nature with which he spilled semen all over her/him. It's that kind of immature and self-absorbed behavior which has now come back to bite him in the ass, (usually he does the trannie-ass biting), in this paternity suit. I wonder what this kid's laugh will sound like...

They are coming for you. Murmuring high-pitched, incoherent threats. At first, you'll only sense a slight rumbling in the earth. the tremors of thousands of nerf feet pounding the asphalt to dust. They are coming for you.


Goddamn Japanese scientists. They just can't leave well enough alone.